7 Tips To Cope With Stressful Life Transitions

Smiling woman surrounded by her family helping her to cope with stressful life transitions.

And just like that, here we are at the beginning of a new year — again. The older I get, the faster it seems a new year rolls around. Sometimes I feel nostalgic when I have to say goodbye to a particular year, but not this past year. Nope, I was more than ready to drop kick 2021 to the curb. For indeed, the past year dropped some stressful life transitions on my doorstep, and I have a hunch that I am not alone. Is anybody with me?

Life transitions

Life is full of changes. And stressful life transitions usually mean a shift or an adjustment that impacts your lifestyle. Now you only have to glance back at the last two years to see how much our lifestyles have changed due to the Covid-19 pandemic. And believe me, I don’t particularly appreciate giving it any more press than it already gets. But this is where we are. And like they say, “We’re all in this together.” UGH! Nevertheless, the pandemic and the lifestyle changes have brought about much anxiety.

Life transitions are nothing new

Truthfully, we as humans have dealt with stressful life transitions before the pandemic. And we will certainly walk through them again long after this pandemic dies down.

So putting aside the changes the pandemic has brought, let’s look at other transitions. They can be as simple as leaving work and driving home or preparing your kiddos for bed at night. Or, they can be exciting, such as getting married or starting a new career.

Others, of course, can be more challenging such as moving to another state, dealing with a severe illness, or trying to figure out how to live with the loss of a loved one.

Whether joyful or sad, planned or unplanned, transitions can be stressful and stir up mixed emotions. This then gives rise to the question of how can we cope with stressful life transitions successfully?

Tips for dealing with life’s transitions

1. Accept that change is inevitable 

However, keep in mind it’s a normal part of life. Transitions also have positive aspects that allow us to grow and learn, leaving us stronger, more confident, and better prepared for the next curveball in life.

2. Whenever possible, prepare for your transition

Sometimes you know ahead of time there is going to be a transition. In that case, planning ahead can help make the experience a little smoother. Set some goals of what you want this new phase of life to look like. Then decide how you can achieve those goals.

3. Expect to feel uncomfortable

Changes from stressful life transitions can be be confusing, and perplexing. So don’t be surprised if you feel vulnerable and anxious. But not to worry, these feelings are all a part of the process and eventually will pass.

4. Rely on your support system. 

Don’t go it alone. This is the time when you really need the support of friends and family members. They know you the best and will be able to encourage you without judging and allow you to express your true feelings.

5. Take it one step at a time

It can be overwhelming to feel like your life is in disarray. To regain a sense of control, find one small thing you can manage right away. Then, working out from there, break everything down into small, clear steps. Write them down, and one by one, cross off each step as you complete it.

6. Keep some consistency

Significant life transitions can make life feel topsy-turvy. Whenever you can, try to keep as much of your daily routine consistent as you can. Even as you walk through a transition, it helps establish a routine to help you adjust and provide a sense of consistency.

7. Give yourself time, care, and grace

As I’ve said before, transitions can be stressful, even in happy times. Sometimes you might not feel up to participating in your everyday activities. It’s okay. That’s why I say, give yourself some time. It takes time to adjust to your new situation. However, don’t neglect yourself in the meantime. Make an effort to take care of yourself every day by getting plenty of rest, eating well, and exercising. And it won’t hurt if you treat yourself to a fun or pampering activity occasionally while you manage this transition, either.

“Your life is a story of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next.” – Anonymous

Everyone experiences stressful life transitions. And most assuredly, some will be harder to navigate than others. But I believe using the above tips can help make the whole process easier. However, if you want to learn additional coping skills, working with a coach is a great way to do it. They can help you develop the skills and abilities you need to deal positively with whatever life puts in your path.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite to contact me or schedule your phone call today. Together, we can work on strategies to help you move forward through any transitions you may be going through right now as well as ones you may encounter in the future.

This article originally appeared at My Anxiety Link

Why Do I Feel Overwhelmed Being My Parent’s Caretaker?

Woman standing beside her son and elderly father asking herself, “Why do I feel overwhelmed being my parents caretaker?”


“Why do I feel so overwhelmed?” If you are a caretaker of aging parents, you’ve probably asked yourself and others that question more than once. And even if you have the most loving parents and you love them to pieces, let’s face it. Switching roles with your parents and becoming their caretaker can be exhausting and overwhelming.

Why do I feel so overwhelmed?

Each individual’s experience will be different, but some common themes affect everyone. Here are just a few:

It’s emotional

Watching your parent, who was once sharp, healthy, and robust, decline and become less able to care for themselves is very hard to watch. It raises the realization that they will not live forever to the forefront of your mind.

Watching a parent age also confronts you with the possibility of what might happen to you as you age. It can be scary to think,  “One day, that could be me.” 

It’s time-consuming

Needs such as grocery shopping, helping with bills, doctor visits, and the like take time away from your family — spouses, children, etc. And when they get less of your time and attention, it can cause stress in the family.

It can cause conflicts within the family

Suppose there are brothers and sisters involved (or not involved) in making the caregiving decisions. In that case, it can turn into random battles. Some family members can be front and center to dole out advice but then seem to disappear when requested or needed help.

You end up doing things you never imagined

It’s one thing to go to the store to pick up a few things for your parent, but it raises to a whole new level when they require help with dressing, bathing, or bathroom needs. This role of caregiving becomes a whole lot more stressful.

You’re laden with guilt

More than likely, you started out being understanding and caring for your parent. However, as time goes on and the level of care increases, feelings of resentment and possibly anger start to creep in. And with that, feelings of guilt set in.

You remind yourself how many sacrifices your parent made on your behalf, but you still can’t rise above your feelings.

You feel like you’re caught in the middle

Sometimes caring for a parent become necessary when you’re in your thirties, forties, and even fifties. When this occurs, it means being responsible for bringing up your children and caring for your aging parents at the same time. Hence, the feeling of being caught in the middle. The term for this is the Sandwich Generation, and individuals who are a part of it experience a great deal of stress. 

What can I do when I feel overwhelmed?

Caring for a parent can be an all-consuming and demanding job. Below are some tips to help you feel more in control and hopefully reduce any stress in the future.

Ask for and accept help from friends and family

By all means, if your family is offering to help, take them up on it!

But if your family does not jump in to help, you might have to ask them to help and then delegate some day-to-day responsibilities to them.

Or maybe ask for a friend if they would be willing to step in to give you some much-needed rest periodically.

Hire a parent sitter or professional help

I had a friend who used this tip when she had a parent living with her. She knew she had to have breaks to protect her sanity. So, she found reliable people who could sit with her parent providing her the opportunity to get some things done.

Or possibly, hire a professional caregiver. Here’s a link to a list of resources available.

Find a safe place to vent

Whether you become your parent’s caregiver gradually or suddenly because of a crisis, you know that many emotions rose to the surface— some right away while others took a while. Just know that all your good and bad feelings are normal, valid, and meaningful.

And like I said earlier, you might love your parent, but after a while the responsibility takes its toll. When you admit to your feelings, you can then look for productive ways to express and deal with them.

To help with this, look for safe places to share your feelings beyond other family members and friends. For example, try online private groups to find support from other caregivers.

Have freezer meals on hand

The friend I mentioned earlier found it overwhelming to provide three meals a day for her loved one. She lamented it was one thing when she was younger and in the habit of providing meals for her growing family. Yet, once she and her husband had become empty nesters, it was easier to just get something to eat on the fly many days. So to provide three square meals proved exasperating at times.

She found it helpful to have freezer meals on hand. So when she would make a meal, she tried to make extra to put some in the freezer for days she didn’t feel like cooking

Make it a priority to make time for yourself

Depending on how much care your loved one needs, it can be quite overwhelming not to have time and space to yourself. In my friend’s case, her mom wanted to be smack dab in the middle of whatever was going on. 

This loss of privacy was too much for her, so she set some boundaries in place. For example, she would get her mother up and ready for the day an hour and a half after waking up herself. Thereby giving her an opportunity for some quiet time and morning coffee. 

A nighttime routine of getting her mother settled in her room at a reasonable time each night left her time to relax with her husband before retiring for the night.

“There are four kinds of people in the world: People who have been caregivers, people who are caregivers now, people who will become caregivers in the future, and people who are going to need a caregiver.” — Unknown

All in all, it truly takes a plan and patience to figure out what works best for you and your loved one. Caregiving can be a blessing, but it is also challenging. These are just a few things you can do to help navigate through some of those challenges with less stress. If you want to learn some stress-reducing techniques that can help while taking care of your parent, working with a coach can be very beneficial to you.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call today. Together we will work toward a better understanding of your relationship with your parents to promote a happy, healthy, and balanced relationship with less stress.

This article originally appeared at My Anxiety Link

How To Relieve Stress At Work Without Limiting Your Career

Perplexed man sitting at a desk wanting to know how to relieve stress at work.

You love your career and even knew beforehand it could be stressful at times. However, lately, the stress has seemed overwhelming. And to add to the pressure, you’re struggling to maintain your composure and professionalism while you work through it. Thankfully, there are many techniques on how to relieve stress at work that can have you not only surviving but thriving in your stressful role. So, let’s get to it.

What to do when stressed at work

Admit you’re stressed

Stressed workers are three times more likely to leave their jobs than their non-stressed counterparts. Yet, people often don’t want to accept they are stressed out until it’s too late. Waiting until you are ground down until you are almost coming apart at the seams makes it much harder to recover. 

So be on the lookout for signs that you are getting emotionally exhausted and weary. And don’t underestimate how stress is affecting you. 

Name your stressors

To get a handle on the problem, you have to identify what exactly is bothering you. Only then can you develop a strategy to either resolve it or learn how to manage and live with it. Try keeping a journal for a week or so. Record any stressful situations and your reactions to them.  Then think of some ways you can resolve the issue. 

Explore different ways to stay calm

At times, even the most mentally strong individuals run into mounting pressures that can readily turn into profound stress. Try a couple of the coping strategies below to stay emotionally grounded. The best part is they only take a few minutes a day, but the rewards can be long-lasting.

Take care of your body

Often, relieving stress at work starts the night before or before you even leave for work. Here are a few areas you can focus on:

  • Using food for fuel
  • Getting plenty of sleep but also paying attention to the quality of sleep
  • Exercise regularly

When you stress your body with bad nutrition, sedentary lifestyles, and poor sleep hygiene, you can’t expect to be strong enough to handle the stress of modern-day work demands and lifestyles. On the other hand, successful people are intentional about taking care of themselves physically which, helps them to remain calm under pressure. 

Fine-tune your time management skills

A significant cause of stress is poor time management. If you’re a busy executive, you know the feeling of having too much to do and not enough time to get things done.

Time management can be easy as long as you commit to taking action. Some simple steps to help you manage your time more effectively are:

  • Setting a plan 
  • Prioritizing
  • Delegating tasks to others
  • Controlling your environment

Wisely managing your time helps you stay focused on the work you need to do. Otherwise, it’s easy to get sidelined by extraneous matters, things suddenly put in front of you, or reacting to demands by others rather than completing your plan.

Unplug from technological stressors

Some of us are so addicted to our electronics without realizing it. So the next time you are in a meeting, take note of how often you pull out or look at your device every time it beeps or vibrates.

Of course, this is unavoidable with some types of work, such as in the case of medical personnel verifying a medication for a patient or an administrator giving someone permission to leave work early because of an emergency. But, in many if not most cases, it is purely because of a compulsive behavioral habit that formed over time and social pressures.

Try this for a couple of hours each day, turn off all electronic devices you have become codependent on. Take notice of your surroundings, study the faces of the people you work with. What color of eyes do they have? Do they look happy or troubled? Is there something you can learn about them that would help you work with them better? 

Decrease your reliance on electronics and increase your human connection, which will help you be more resilient to all of the other stressors in your work and lives.

Meet with your supervisor

Indeed, it’s a conversation you probably don’t want to have. But if you are struggling with stress, it’s vital to get help. So set up a convenient time for both of you and your boss to calmly discuss your feelings of being overwhelmed.

Be prepared to be completely honest about how the stress is affecting you at work as well as at home. However, keep in mind that you should approach the conversation with the objective of finding a solution and not just to list complaints about your job. If you do not have a good relationship with your boss, at least reach out to someone in your company’s human resources department. 

“Stress is the trash of modern life – we all generate it, but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.” — Danzae Pace

There’s a lot to be learned about stress at work. And that includes learning how to manage it better and how it can affect your health. Therefore, if you are consistently feeling strained in your job, I’m so glad you are here looking for ways to relieve stress at work. Working with a coach is also an excellent way to learn additional ways to manage stress.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call today. I’d love to offer you support and help you discover how to master anxiety and stress in the workplace, allowing you to have a happy and successful career.

How To Calm Down Anxiety By Practicing Gratitude

Woman sitting at Thanksgiving dinner table and practicing gratitude to calm down anxiety.

What’s the first thought that comes to your mind when you think about the Thanksgiving holiday? For me, I think of family and food—lots and lots of food. Of course, I also think about what I am grateful for, but if I’m honest, I have to say that food comes to my mind pretty quickly. And not just any food but the mouth-watering spread that makes up the typical Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t know about you, but it’s not every day I’m eating turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and the rest of the fixings. So, I get excited. Okay? But honestly, the holiday is not just about the food. For it’s important to remember it’s about celebrating gratitude also. Now since you are here reading this blog, I’m going to assume you are looking for real answers to your question of “How do you calm down anxiety”? And I believe I have an answer for you, but first.

Brain food and your mood

Do you know how you feel sluggish and tired after eating all that food on Thanksgiving? Well, that’s because of what you put into your digestive system. If you can think of your mind the same way, you’ll realize that what you put into it impacts how you feel. 

Feeding your mind a constant flow of things such as worry, fear, envy, self-criticism, and negative news is bound to impact your mental wellbeing negatively. So, let’s change that up and give your mind a healthy eating plan to help calm your anxiety. How can we do that? Well, one way is to practice gratitude.

PRACTICING GRATITUDE 

Have you ever noticed how anxiety feels heavy and gratitude feels light? That’s because expressing gratitude causes your brain to release dopamine and serotonin—two hormones that make you feel lighter and happier inside. 

Practicing gratitude is something we should all be practicing not just at Thanksgiving but all year long. And that’s because the benefits are so great. So, let’s look at some practical ways we can incorporate some gratitude into our lives.

Ways to find and practice gratitude

1. Look for goodness. Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean you stick your head in the sand and ignore your problems. Or that your life is not perfect. On the contrary, it means that despite your anxious thoughts, you actively look for the good things (big or small) in your life regardless of the bad. 

2. Set gratitude reminders. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life and focus only on what is going wrong during the day. So take some steps to remind yourself of things you can be grateful for. It can be as easy as setting the alarm on your phone to go off at regular intervals. When it goes off, take a moment and think of something that makes you feel thankful. Or visual reminders like post-it notes strategically placed in areas you frequent throughout the day, such as the kitchen, bathroom mirror, desk, nightstand, etc. Even though you are setting these alerts up ahead of time, you are training your brain (and heart) to express gratitude.

3. Keep a gratitude journal. Take a few moments in the morning and evening of each day to write down something you can be thankful for. It can be something as simple as “I feel grateful today that I have hot water for a shower.” Or “I’m grateful for the roof over my head.” No matter how hard life feels, there really is always something to be thankful for if you look for it.

4. Practice and don’t stop practicing. Practicing gratitude may start as a practice, but eventually, it will become more natural. It’s a skill, and just like any other skill, the more you practice, the better you become at it. However, it can also fade from non-use. So keep on practicing until it becomes a habit.

“Interrupt anxiety with gratitude.” — Danielle Laporte

Practicing gratitude isn’t going to calm your anxiety overnight, but it can be beneficial in lessening your anxiety. In fact, did you know it is scientifically impossible for your brain to feel stress and gratitude simultaneously? The two emotions may alternate, but you can’t feel them at the same time. So at the very least, by practicing gratitude, you’re putting your anxiety on pause. And at the most, by cultivating a more appreciative attitude in life, you’re telling yourself there’s a lot less to feel anxious about and a lot more to feel joyous about.

I believe it’s good practice to take the opportunity each day to express gratitude.   If for nothing else but to guard ourselves against taking things for granted.  And something else I like to keep in mind is that gratitude isn’t just about being grateful for what we have. But it can also mean being grateful for what we can give others.

After using the ways I shared above of finding and practicing gratitude, you would like to learn additional ways on how to calm down anxiety; working with a coach is a great way to do it. A coach can help you discover the best calming techniques that will work for you. They will also encourage you to keep practicing them until they becomes second nature when you start to feel anxious.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. xxxxxxxx If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call today. In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and find many things to be grateful for. 

This article originally appeared on My Anxiety Link

How To Cope With A Stressful Family Life

Young family at the grocery store coping with stressful family life.

I’m going to show my age here, but when I was growing up,  “The Brady Bunch” was a popular show on TV. And oh, how I envied those kids in that family which looked nothing like my own. For example,  they lived in a big house, the girls and the boys had their own bathrooms. They always wore “cool” clothes, and hey, they even had a live-in maid. Come on! Those kids had it made in the shade! And yet, even “The Brady’s”, had their fair share of stressful family life issues. 

Now, I have to say I was blessed to grow up in a good family. But we, like every other “real” family out there, had our fair share of family issues. But, unlike “The Brady’s” issues which were fictional and always ended up resolved and in smiles, ours lasted more than a half-hour and definitely didn’t always end in smiles.

The myth of the perfect family

While there are healthy families, there is no such thing as a perfect family. And yes, even healthy families experience stressful family life. They have quarrels, uncooperative children, and sibling rivalries. And they also experience other challenging life events such as job losses, family member deaths, and financial struggles. 

How to cope with stressful family life

Every family reacts to stress in different ways. And while there is no perfect way to manage  stress, there are good coping strategies that can help guide you and your family when dealing with everyday stress and crises.

Here are a few ways that may work for you and your family:

  • Keep the lines of communication open. It’s so important for family members to feel comfortable talking with one another about their feelings when they feel stressed.

  • Check your behavior. Stressed-out parents without realizing it can set the tone for the rest of the family. So once again, this is where having an open line of communication can be beneficial. Tell your family you are having a difficult time and that you are working on finding a solution. 

  • Determine if some changes need to be made. For example, perhaps your family is getting overwhelmed by jam-packed activities, creating late bedtimes and crazy schedules. In that case, consider dropping an activity or two. Or maybe you are a single-parent family or you and your spouse both work. If so, it can be quite the challenge to keep the house clean, and you need more help from everyone. Have a family meeting and discuss some ways you can make changes to make everyone less stressed. However, keep in mind, most people don’t like changes, so start slowing and gradually make the changes your family needs. 

  • Set some family priorities. Family life is so different today than when I was growing up. It’s no wonder that parents and kids get stressed out while trying to squeeze so much into a too short period of time. It stresses me out just thinking about it. So, make some judgment calls on what is truly important for you and your family to be involved in. And don’t forget things such as family meals, playtime in the backyard with your kids, family movie or game nights, or just sitting on the porch and enjoying the fresh air or a good book. 

  • Develop and use a support system. As a parent, there are times when it is inappropriate for you to discuss particular concerns with your children. For those times, it is crucial to have a support system in place where you can share your feelings or turn to when you become overwhelmed.

  • Laugh often. When stress levels are high, it’s pretty easy to worry, stress, and remain serious.  Laughter, however,  can help lighten the mood. And when your family hits a rough patch, there’s nothing like some light laughs or even a round of belly-busting guffaws to balance out the pressures of stressful family life. Laughter is contagious and truly is the best medicine. And though laughter can’t solve all your problems, it can help your family connect with one another, making it easier to work together and tackle any problems facing you.

“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” ―Jill Botte Taylor

So, until someone invents a way to live our lives stress-free, the best we can do is learn how to recognize, accept and manage the stresses that life can bring. I’m certain if you lock these coping strategies in place, you’ll be well on your way. And here’s a bonus, by managing your stress, you’ll have more time to focus your energies more on the things in life that really count.

And lastly, if you want to explore additional strategies to cope with stressful family life, working with a coach can be very helpful. A coach can walk you through various techniques that can help you and your family live less stressed and happier together.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call today. I’m looking forward to your call.

This article originally appeared on My Anxiety Link.

What To Do If You Have An Anxiety Attack At Work

Anxious looking woman having an anxiety attack at work.

Wouldn’t it be nice if anxiety attacks would wait until after hours to appear? Not that I think there’s ever a perfect time for them to show up. But, talking from experience, having an anxiety attack at work or out in public is a whole different story than feeling the rising tide of anxiety in the privacy of my own home. However, when that happens, I’m thankful there are ways of working through it quickly to get on with my day. And if you want to know how you can do it too, keep on reading because I’ll be sharing a few ways you can do just that.

What does an anxiety attack feel like?

Anxiety attacks are not the same as panic attacks, though they share many of  the same symptoms. 

Here are a few of the emotional symptoms you might feel during an anxiety attack.

  • restlessness
  • fear
  • apprehension and worry
  • distress
  • jumpy 

While here are a few of the physical symptoms that both anxiety and panic attacks have in common

  • chest pain 
  • heart palpitations or fast heart rate
  • shortness of breath 
  • sweating
  • nausea
  • fear of dying or losing control
  • numbness or tingling

While panic attacks tend to come out of the blue and be more intense, anxiety attacks are often caused by a trigger such a stressful situation, experience, or event. 

What to do if you have an anxiety attack at work.

So, you’re sitting at your desk, and you feel an attack coming on. You’re probably trying to figure out how to hide the symptoms from your co-workers and remain professional in the process. That’s understandable. However, you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions and suffer in silence because of the negative effect it can have on you.

It’s okay to let your close co-workers and even your boss know that you suffer from anxiety. Yes, it might be an awkward discussion, but you might be pleasantly surprised how understanding they are. 

Below are some steps you can take to deal with anxiety or panic attacks.

1. Go somewhere private

If you are able, get up from your desk or work area. If you need to, use the excuse that you need to visit the restroom.  Anywhere is good where you can have a little privacy. But if you can’t leave your work area, it’s okay. You can still proceed with the following steps.

2. Focus on your breathing

To regulate your breathing, breathe in for four counts, hold for seven counts, and exhale for eight counts. Repeat this pattern five times.

3. Remind yourself this will pass

Acknowledge the situation and remind yourself you’ve had these symptoms before and they will soon pass. If you need to, keep saying the phrase, “This will soon pass.” 

4. Challenge your negative thoughts

For the most part, people’s worries tend to be false alarms. And of the small percentage of worries that do happen to come true, the outcome is usually better than expected roughly a third of the time.

So, when you are experiencing an anxiety attack at work, pause and ask yourself some questions to help you challenge those anxious thoughts. Below are a sample of questions you can use.

  • Am I overestimating the danger?
  • What is the evidence to support this thought of being true/not true?
  • Is this just a thought or a fact? 
  • What would I tell a good friend if they had the same thought?
  • Okay, if this thought (fear) comes true, what can I do to cope with or handle it?

And here some ways of challenging your negative thinking:

  • Yes, I headed straight to the worst-case scenario.
  • There is no evidence, but I just feel like what I fear is going to happen.
  • Because there is no evidence, I’m going to assume it’s more thought than fact.
  • If my friend was in this situation, I would probably say something like this to my friend, “Look, you’ve felt this way before. There’s nothing to point to that says what you’re worried about is going to happen. But if it does, I’ll be there for you.” 
  • Okay, even if it happens, yes, I’ll be disappointed, but I’m strong, and I can get through it. 

 5. Tell yourself you will be ok

The physical symptoms that accompany anxiety attacks can be downright scary sometimes. It’s important to tell yourself that you’ve been here before, and you were okay then, and you will be okay now. You might find it helpful to say it over and over again until you feel better.

6. Focus on your breathing again

This time do a different  breathing technique called Box Breathing. 

  • Inhale to the count of four 
  • Hold for a count of four 
  • Exhale to the count of four
  • Hold for a count of four  

Repeat this exercise for five minutes. 

7. Repeat steps 2 – 6 as many times as you need to.

Remember, it’s a process. You don’t need to rush. In the end, everything is going to be okay. And once the anxiety attack is over, pat yourself on the shoulder. Think about how you feel emotionally and physically. And then, remember that feeling. Good Job!

“Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle,  that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road.” — Unknown

So last but not least,  when you do experience an anxiety attack at work, there’s no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. I know it can be easier said than done. But rest assured, more people deal with anxiety than you know. And even better, if you have a co-worker you feel comfortable enough with, by all means, share with them what you are going through. You’ll find immense comfort in knowing you have an ally in your corner to help you when you need it the most. 

Well, I’m confident these seven steps can enable you to push through the anxiety when it wants to come knocking at your workplace door. However, if you want to learn additional ways to manage anxiety and stop stressing out, working with a coach is a great way to go. I’d love to hear from you.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. There are numerous coping skills to manage anxiety, but not always one best way to proceed. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call today. Together, let’s discover which strategy works best for you to  feel more confident, competent, and in control at work.

6 Hacks For Anxiety & Stress Relief That Really Work

Smiling woman finding anxiety & stress relief outdoors.

Don’t you love it when you’re stressed out and ready to pull your hair out, and someone comes along and tells you to just calm down or quit worrying? How’s that work for you? Probably about as much as it helps me—it doesn’t. In fact, in all likelihood, it ramps your stress up even more. And nobody needs that! So, whether you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or worried about the state of the world,  I’m sure you’ll find the anxiety and stress relief hacks below are not only helpful but practical as well. 

6 Hacks For Anxiety & Stress Relief That Really Work

1. Control your breathing

You might think that breathing is involuntary. But that’s only partly true. Your breathing is automatic so much as you don’t consciously think about your breathing all the time. Also, when you feel stressed, your breathing rate and pattern change without you thinking about it as part of the ‘fight or flight response.’ 

However, there are times when we need to control our breathing when we do things such as talking, singing, playing musical instruments, swimming, etc.

Therefore, it shouldn’t seem such a stretch to think that you can successfully bring about anxiety and stress relief by controlling your breathing pattern. And in fact, it’s one of the easiest, fastest, and most effective ways to reduce anxiety. 

While there are various breathing exercises to try, you’ll find a simple one to get you started if you click here.

2. Ask a “1-for-1” question

Unfortunately, when anxiety ramps up, your mind wants to go to the worst-case scenario and park there. So, to rebalance your perspective, try replacing every negative thought with a positive thought. For example, instead of thinking, “What if this plane crashes?” you should swap it out for the thought, “What if I arrive on time and it’s perfect weather?” 

Or, “What if I don’t meet my sales quota this month and I get fired?” Flip that question upside down and ask yourself, “What if I make the most sales out of the whole department?”

It does take practice, but when you start focusing on more favorable outcomes, your mind has fewer opportunities to ruminate on negative thoughts.

3. Clench your fists

Place your hands down by your side. Ball your fists up and clench them as tight as you can. Then, take a deep breath and loosen your fists a little bit at the end of your first exhale. Continue to take deep breaths and relax your fists a little more with each exhale until your hands are completely open. Finally, stretch your fingers out as much as you can.

4. Peel an orange

You’ve probably heard about using the scent of lavender for stress relief, but it turns out citrus may bring a sense of calm also. In fact, it is believed that the smell of orange can relieve stress by over 70%. And the act of peeling gives your hands something to do, which other research shows can also help relieve stress and anxiety.

For the times when it’s not practical to peel an orange,  using essential oils is a good alternative for getting that whiff of calming citrus.

5. Put your phone down

When you feel stressed and anxious, it’s probably not a good idea to scroll through all your social media apps. I’m not saying that all social media is bad. However, it often leads to feelings such as frustration, inadequacy and being left out. Or cause you to think about all the desirable things you don’t have in your life at the moment (i.e., a partner, children, travel excursions). Can you see where that can lead to increased anxiety or stress?

Really, do yourself a favor and take a time-out from the overload of misinformation, social comparisons, world problems, and politics, etc., and do something instead  that will improve your mood.

6. Tapping your body

Years ago, I was introduced to this technique at my dentist when I had some work done on a tooth. I told them I was nervous, and as the dentist started to give me the numbing shot, the assistant started tapping on my arm. Now, I admit, I was puzzled and thought, “What in the world is she doing that for?” I later learned this was called the EFT technique (Emotional Freedom Technique), which is clinically proven to be a stress, anxiety, and pain reliever.

For a walk-through of this technique,  click here to give it a try.

“Calmness is the cradle of power.” — Josiah Gilbert Hollan

Of course, anxiety-reducing hacks are not one-size-fits-all. So, it might take you a bit of time and effort to find your perfect hack. But if you keep at it, you’ll find the ones that work for you. However, if you want to jumpstart your learning of additional anxiety and stress relief techniques, consider working with a coach. You’ll find the support and encouragement that a coach can provide will be a huge benefit to you as you walk through this process.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call.  I’d love to cheer you on as you discover you can master anxiety and stress, allowing you to live a more balanced and less anxious-filled life.

This article was originally published on My Anxiety Link

3 Tips For Dealing With Stressful Family Members

Woman dealing with stressful family members while sitting at a table.

Well, here we are, at the tail end of October, which means it’s Halloween. Now for me, that has always been the big kickoff to the holiday season, leading to the bigger ones of Thanksgiving and Christmas. And that means family events with brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandma’s and grandpa’s, and of course, the in-laws. Now that’s a lot of different personalities in one spot and the right ingredients for a heaping dose of family tension. So whether you are contending with a  Cousin Eddie, a nosy aunt, or a Marie Barone type of mother-in-law, there are ways of dealing with stressful family members.

You can choose your friends, but you can’t pick your family. 

And to that, we all say a hearty “Amen”! Okay, fess up. Did you just think of a family member you wish you could chop off from the family tree? Well, if you didn’t, take notice, because you just might be that someone in your family. You never know. 

All kidding aside, every family wrestles with dealing with stressful family members. But, all is not lost. I’m going to share three tips that can help you handle the family drama appropriately and allow you to enjoy your family time. And, I’m sure you will find the tips helpful, so let’s get to it!

3 Tips For Dealing With Stressful Family Members

1. Accept that you can’t change or control their behavior, but you can manage your own.

Unfortunately, some family members excel at being annoying and, in all honesty, are a royal pain to be around sometimes. If you have relatives like that (and who doesn’t?) And you know you will be spending time in their presence, save yourself some stress by accepting that nothing you say or do is going to change the way they are or behave. 

People are who they are. Difficult family members are well-known for their lack of ability to self-reflect and admit when they’re wrong. So don’t take it personally. 

Instead, accept that how they are acting has nothing to do with you but rather with themselves.

The best way to handle it is not to focus on their troublesome behavior. But instead, to focus on what you can control, which is how you act and react to their shenanigans.

2. Develop a strong sense of self

Being able to control your behavior and how you react is tied to having a solid sense of self. For when you lack a strong sense of self, it’s easy to fall in line with your family’s expectations for you. And if that means ignoring your own needs or desires, it’s a good possibility that you will experience anxiety and discomfort when you spend time with them.

The last thing you want to do is to drift through life feeling uncertain or indecisive about choices in life. Or being swayed by meddling family members and circumstances rather than your own momentum. 

That’s why it’s so crucial to cultivate a strong sense of self. For when you really know who you are and how you feel, you will less likely be able to be manipulated by your family’s emotions.  And it also enables you to manage your anxiety better when you are around them.

3. Manage your own expectations

Suppose you have a buttinsky for an uncle who always takes over conversations or always has to tell you how he thinks things should be done. Or a pushy aunt who, every time she sees you, feels the need to ask you why aren’t you married or have any kids yet.  Truly, having any expectation that they will be different at the next family event is a disappointment or a resentment waiting to happen. 

Alternatively, you might find it helpful to prepare yourself mentally for your interaction with your good ole uncle and aunty. For indeed, their past behavior is a good indication of what to expect. So use that history and think about how you might respond to them when that happens. For example, respond with “I’ll have to think about that” or “Thank you for your concern,” and then change the topic to something more comfortable for you.

Instead of making self-made traps of unrealistic expectations, being prepared ahead of time can help you handle any problematic interactions with less stress.

“You don’t get to choose your family, but you do get to choose how they’re allowed to treat you.” — Unknown

For sure, we all have those individuals in our family that we love yet know we can only take them in small doses—even in the best of families. Using these three tips to navigate your family dynamics will not only help you around them but with other difficult people as well. After all, you will encounter difficult people everywhere not just in your family.

Another great way to learn how to cope with stressful family members is to work with a coach .  A coach can help you discover other tools to put in your arsenal, helping you be ready for any future interactions you might have within your family relationships.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you would like more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call. I look forward to helping you manage your stress by helping you find new ways in dealing with those difficult family members. I hope to hear from you soon! 

This article originally appeared at My Anxiety Link

8 Strategies For Discreetly Coping With Stress At Work

Frustrated woman sitting at desk trying to cope with stress at work.

I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t encountered stress in the workplace. And I don’t mean the good kind of motivating stress that encourages you to get the job done either. No, I’m talking about the kind that makes you feel as if you are on the brink of being totally overwhelmed. All too often, when that occurs, you’re usually surrounded by co-workers making it a challenge to handle it without bringing unwanted attention to yourself. But it can be done. And I’m going to show you how by sharing eight strategies you can use to discreetly cope with stress at work. 

8 strategies to discreetly cope with stress at work

Everyone needs a go-to trick to manage stress to allow your brain to stay flexible so you can think more positively. Therefore, I encourage you to try these strategies out and see which ones help you the most.

1. Count to 10, then count backward

When the pressure builds, take a normal breath, count to 10, and then back to 1 again. It’s a little hard to count and think about what comes after 7, so it works by interrupting the stress response in the moment, giving you a chance to calm down.

2. Get up and move around

Taking a short break removes you from the situation and gives you a chance to stop yourself from inflating stressful thoughts. Moving around and doing mundane acts won’t make anyone the wiser that you are trying to relieve stress. Here are some tasks you can try:

  • Go for a walk. 
  • Grab a cup of coffee or soothing drink
  • Get up and make some copies
  • Straighten up your workspace

3. Practice gratitude

Gratitude is something we should practice daily, anxiety or not.  However, when stressed, it’s a great way to shift your focus from the stressors at work onto things that are going right that you can be grateful for. You might find it hard at first to find things you are really thankful for, but if you look, you’ll find something, and slowly, you will see a shift in your attitude.

4. Set a stress boundary 

If something or someone starts to stress you out, excuse yourself from the situation. Take a moment and figure out if the stress is related to your situation. Or if it coming from someone else. Being aware of the source will help you to target how to handle it.

5. Look at relaxing colors to bring a sense of calm

You might not be aware of it, but your mind and body both have reactions to seeing colors. In fact, artists and interior designers are well aware of this fact. They know that color can dramatically affect feelings, emotions, and moods. So, discover what color brings calm to your mind and incorporate it into your workspace. 

6. Run cold water over your wrist

Your wrists have major arteries, and studies show that running cold water over them can cool you off and help you “chill out” simultaneously. So the next time you are stressed, head to the restroom and flip on the faucet. 

7. Do a breathing exercise

“Take a deep breath” is the advice you often hear when someone sees you stressed. But you might be surprised to know it’s on the exhale that actually relaxes our bodies. So it’s essential to learn the correct way to breathe to bring about the sense of calm and relaxation you need. 

Many breathing techniques are helpful, but box breathing is simple to do, and you can do it anywhere. Here’s how to do it:

Step 1: Inhale to the count of four slowly.

Step 2: Hold your breath for four counts.

Step 3: Exhale through your mouth to the count of four.

Step 4: Repeat steps 1 to 3 until you feel yourself calming down.

8. Do a progressive muscle relaxation exercise

Stress and tight muscles go hand in hand. It can be so normal for you that you don’t even realize how tight your muscles really are. Progressive muscle relaxation exercises are an excellent way to let go of that tension.

Here’s an easy method you can try at your desk:

Tense your toes for five seconds, then relax them for ten seconds. Next, progressively move up each muscle group. (calves, thighs, stomach, chest, arms, hands, etc.) and do the same until you reach your neck and head.

“STRESS CAN ACTUALLY HELP YOU FOCUS BETTER AND CAN BE POSITIVE. HAVING SMALL AMOUNTS OF STRESS CAN STIMULATE YOU TO THINK. BEING ABLE TO MANAGE YOUR STRESS IS KEY.”  – FRANK LONG

All in all, stress is normal, and yes, it can even be good. However, when  that stress becomes excessive, how you decide to handle it can make all the difference between success and failure. Therefore, when you feel the pressure building, I encourage you to try these eight simple strategies. Knowing there are ways to discreetly cope with stress at work should reassure you that you can gain control and lower your stress level no matter where you are.

And as always, if you want to learn additional ways to manage job stress so you can be more successful in the workplace, working with a coach is a great way to go. I’d love to hear from you.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. There are numerous coping skills that are helpful but not always one best way to proceed. If you would like more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone callTogether we can discover which strategy is likely to work best for you to get you feeling more confident, competent, and in control at work.

20 Best Inspirational Anxiety Relief Quotes

Blue coffee mug with the inspirational anxiety relief quote, "You can and you will." written on it.

As humans, when we suffer from something unpleasant or painful, we naturally look for something to bring relief. And if we don’t have what we need in our medicine cabinet, a quick trip to the local pharmacy or grocery store is sure to offer plenty of products promoting fast relief from anything. Be it a headache, heartburn, itchy skin, or whatever. And yes, you will even find products claiming to help anxiety, such as calming teas, weighted blankets, stress-reducing essential oils, etc. And I do believe those productshave their place in assisting individuals in dealing with stress. However, today, I offer you something you can always have on hand.  And that is twenty anxiety relief quotes that you can turn to for inspiration when you most need it. 

20 Best Inspirational Anxiety Relief Quotes

Anxiety relief quotes to relax your mind

1. “Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” —  Anonymous

2. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” — Charles Spurgeon 

3. “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” — Wayne W. Dyer

4. “Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” — Jodi Picoult

5. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Anxiety relief quotes to help quiet fears

6. “Keep walking through the storm. Your rainbow is waiting on the other side.” — Heather Stillufsen

7. “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” —  Eleanor Roosevelt

8. “Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” — Arthur Somers Roche

9. “I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” — Steve Maraboli

10 “Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming.” — Robert Tew

Anxiety relief quotes to help you overcome

11. “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

12. “Present fears are less than horrible imaginings.” — William Shakespeare

13. “P.S. You’re not going to die. Here’s the white-hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you’ll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you’ll still be okay. If you sing off-key, get beat by the competition, have your heart shattered, get fired…it’s not going to kill you. Ask anyone who’s been through it.” — Danielle LaPorte

14. “Don’t believe every worried thought you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate.”  — Renee Jain

15. “Slow breathing is like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm: The anchor won’t make the storm go away, but it will hold you steady until it passes.” — Russ Harris

Anxiety relief quotes that lift your spirit 

16. “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn

17. “Somewhere there is a past you, overflowing with so much pride looking at how far you’ve come.” —  Unknown

18. “Anxiety is one little tree in your forest. Step back and look at the whole forest.” —  Unknown

19. “Anxiety isn’t weakness. Living with anxiety, turning up and doing things with anxiety, takes a strength most will never know.” —  Unknown

20. “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.”— Anonymous proverb

If you’re living with anxiety, you know the negative places your mind can take you. For indeed, anxiety excels at taking you on fear-fill journeys to all the bad things that could happen to you “if” something you fear happens. One of the problems with that is that it causes you to stress about something that hasn’t  even happened yet and possibly never will. 

The trick is to adjust the way you think, for doing so can help you lessen your anxiety. One of the ways you can do this is by redirecting your focus from your worries to skills that can help manage your anxiety today and in the future.

Managing anxiety takes work, but it’s possible. And there are many avenues to try. But you have to keep trying until you find the combination of treatments and strategies that work for you. 

You can and you will. You’ll get there!

To get you started on changing your focus, grab a pen and paper and write some of these inspirational quotes down. And then place them in prominent places at home or work so when you start to have those pesky anxious thoughts, you can turn to them to remind yourself you can deal with your anxiety and fears.

Another great way of tackling your anxiety is by working with a coach. An anxiety coach can assist you every step of the way as you train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced and less anxious perspective.

Hi, I’m Kris Henderson, LPC. I want you to know that I am here to help. If you want more personalized support, I invite you to contact me or schedule your phone call . I look forward to cheering you on as you become more successful and confident in managing your stress and anxiety.

This article originally appeared on My Anxiety Link